Too Many Long Boxes!
   
   
  • Belief
  • Of Bugs and Bug Men
  • Circus!
  • Collector's Item
  • Green Future
  • Hooray For Hollywood
  • Idiot's Delight
  • Mere Mortals…
  • Mister Zeus…
  • JUDGING!


  • End of Summer
     
    DCU Digest

    When a raging fight between Superman and Brainiac knocks down the United Nations building….when Batman's brought up on child endangerment charges…when Wonder Woman misplaces her lasso at a jewelry show…when Lobo shows up on Earth and does pretty much anything…you read about it in the "DCU DIGEST"!


    50 cents                                                                                                                      , July, 2000

    All the news that's fit to print and then pulp a mere 24 hours later.

    by Chaim Mattis Keller

    War Averted, DEO Concerned

    Washington, DC -   The Justice League created a national-security nightmare while saving the Earth from the creature known as "Mageddon the War-Bringer," according to DEO Sources.

    Mageddon, a giant being whose presence increases aggression and hostility in most living beings, had been approaching Earth for months, Justice League sources said. League member Orion had joined the team specifically for the purpose of preventing the creature from causing Earth's destruction. Nonetheless, the Justice League does not appear to have engaged the creature directly until it had revealed a connection to the League's enemies, the so-called Injustice League.

    Justice League spokesman Steel disputes the charge of indifference, and says that the Injustice League's attack on them was an independent event which in fact hampered their best efforts to get at Mageddon. Mageddon was not directly connected to the villain team, Steel said, but rather, increased the villains' agression to the point where they sloppily attacked the Justice League prematurely. The Justice League, said Steel, had to stop the immediate threat to their lives before they could confront the War-Bringer.

    In order to stop the agression from getting out of hand, the Justice League mobilized almost every active super-hero on Earth to act as life-savers while their big guns attempted to stop Mageddon. Ironically, it was through these reserve heroes that the breakthrough that eventually stopped Mageddon was made. (A visitation of angels reported by several world rulers have yet to be reliably confirmed.) Steel credits Animal Man with noticing that the agression was not limited to humans, but to animals of lower orders as well, especially reptiles. With his help and that of the urban hero Black Lightning, the Justice League managed to build a device that would temporarily evolve much of humanity past that reptillain territorial aggression, making them superhuman, and thus free Earth from its grip. This would have the effect of forcing Mageddon to split his attention between humanity and the Justice Leaguers actively fighting the creature, which allowed Superman to ultimately disable it.

    Triumphant though it was, the Department of Extranormal Operations is disconcerted by the idea that so many apparently ordinary human beings can be made to manifest super-powers. "It is the mandate of this department to ensure that the metahuman resources of this country are properly handled," said DEO agent Cameron Chase. The amount of those resources had just jumped a thousandfold…possibly a millionfold…overnight."

    Government-watchers view this attitude with alarm. "What the DEO is referring to as 'metahuman resources' are human beings, with the full scope of civil rights inherent in every citizen," said Nadine Strossen, President of the American Civil Liberties Union. "We will be watching very carefully for any indication that rights are being infringed and our legal department is on alert."

    In a rare show of agreement with the left-leaning organization, Charlton Heston of the National Rifle Association decried the implication that the government sees it as within its power to decide on the proper use of such "metahuman resources." "Those of us who support the right to bear arms will not allow the government to restrict anyone's rights to use their own inherent abilities as they see fit.

    The DEO has tried to downplay these fears. "Mr. Heston is comparing apples to oranges," said Chase. "A weapon is something that anyone can possess. Super-powers are not." To the civil rights issue, Chase merely responded that it is an issue of national security.

    The super-hero community's response to these fears has been mixed. Sentinel, speaking on behalf of the newly-revived Justice Society, said, "I remember the McCarthy years with shame, and I have no desire to see such a witch-hunt against metahumans. If people are being investigated simply because they show the potential to develop superhuman powers, we will do whatever we must to stand against such a trend." He was presumably recalling the JSA's temporary disbanding under McCarthyite pressure in 1951. Superman, on the other hand, has issued a statement that he believes in cooperation rather than confrontation with the government.

     

    Atlantean Annexation Approved

    Cerdia Province, Atlantis -   In a ceremony overseen by United Nations watchdogs, the Prime Minister of Cerdia under the late former Queen Charlanda signed papers ceding sovereignty over the island nation to Aquaman, King of Atlantis.

    The ceremony concluded a violent war between the island and the undersea nation which, according to all witnesses, had been instigated by Cerdia's late Queen on the advice of the super-villain Ocean Master. Aquaman has reportedly caught Ocean Master and intends to try him as a war criminal.

    Cerdians can expect a different kind of life under Atlantean rule. While the system of government will remain the same, a monarchy with an elected parliament, Aquaman, despite his insistence on maintaining the monarchy, reportedly has a very democratic streak and will not intervene in parliamentary affairs unless the citizens themselves issue a complaint. The Cerdian Parliament, by contrast, has always been considered a puppet of the monarch.

    Atlanteans are reportedly uneasy about having a surface province as part of their nation. "I understand that it's necessary for the sake of ending the war, but it's my kelp taxes that are going to feed those air-breathers, and the farms were damaged by the war on top of that," said Corlan, an Atlantean kelp farmer.

    Until further notice, the Cerdia province will be administered by the Atlanteam Bureau for Surface Affairs. It is expected to take several months before the details of the ruling arrangement are in place. Still undecided are whether the Cerdians will have full voting rights in Atlantean national affairs or if water-breathers and air-breathers will each conduct their affairs autonomously, united only by submission to Aquaman's rulership.  

    Titans Stop Zandian Destruction

    Zandia -   The Titans, working together with other heroic teams, stopped an attempt to destroy the island with explosives, according to Zandian news sources. These explosives were reportedly part of an attempt by the criminal organization H.I.V.E. to destroy all super-heroes.  

    TODAY IN
    DCU DIGEST:

    NATION:

    Perkins bill to ban youth super-groups dies after mass age mix-up


    WORLD:

    United Nations calls for new nuclear-weapons treaties in wake of war's close call


    BUSINESS

    Lexcorp tech offshoots unaffected by NASDAQ plunge


    SPORTS

    New contender in Olympic archery


    TELEVISION

    Roy Raymond to host new game show, "Who Wants to Solve a Millionaire's Murder?"


    MUSIC

    Scare Tactics second album to battle Spears, N Sync for top spot

    Letters Editor Chaim Mattis Keller, aka Legion-Reference-File Lad, is a computer programmer who lives in New York City with his wife and four children.

     
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