When
a raging fight between Superman and Brainiac knocks down the United Nations
building
.when Batman's brought up on child endangerment charges
when Wonder
Woman misplaces her lasso at a jewelry show
when Lobo shows up on Earth and
does pretty much anything
you read about it in the "DCU DIGEST"!
50 cents January, 1999
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LAST FLASH STORY REVEALED
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Central City -
Last year saw publication of The Life Story of the Flash, the authoritative biography of Barry Allen, the deceased second Flash, as written by his widow, reporter Iris West. This year, the top non-fiction seller is expected to be Crisis on Infinite Earths, a compilation and retelling of all known accounts of the Earth-shaking event that happened.
But now it seems a chapter is missing from both of these books.
The man known only as Pariah, who was witness to more of the Crisis than any other living being, has come forward with the story of what, if his word can be trusted, would be the Flash's last adventure. On a History Channel Special, hosted by Roy Raymond and aired live from the Flash Museum, he revealed the details of this little-known incident.
"I was cursed to be drawn to every dimension destroyed by the anti-matter wall immediately prior to its destruction," Pariah explained. "This happened for millions of years. Shortly before the Crisis came to Earth's dimension, I appeared in a dimension which contained a planet extremely similar to yours. I had just left the dimension from which I rescued Lady Quark, and the two of us witnessed a fight between that dimension's equivalent of your Justice League and some villains of their Earth, and for the first time ever, I actually had a chance to warn a planet's inhabitants of the impending disaster…not that it ever helped."
(Lady Quark, a super-heroine who operated briefly on Earth after her arrival during the Crisis, was unavailable for comment. The most up-to-date sources have placed her with the extraterrestrial police force known as L.E.G.I.O.N., no member of which has been seen on Earth since the attempted takeover of Earth by C.O.M.P.U.T.O. Lady Quark herself has not been seen on Earth since the rash of black diamond possessions two years ago).
According to Pariah, a number of well-known super-heroes from our dimension were gathered, at Flash's behest, to fight the menace. Of those he named, only former Green Lantern and Darkstar John Stewart was available to corroborate Pariah's story. "I do recall some very odd things during the Crisis," he told this reporter,
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"including fighting alongside several heroes of the Old West. I definitely recall other Green Lanterns dying, but my memory of the event isn't very clear. I suppose it's possible that one of these was a Hispanic from another dimension. I certainly have no reason to doubt Pariah's memory. He was a trustworthy ally during the Crisis, and if he says I was there, I'll assume I was."
Other heroes from our Earth which Pariah said he gathered include Starfire and Cyborg of the then-Teen Titans, who have not been seen on Earth in almost a year, Firestorm, whose current identity may or may not be the same as during the Crisis, Nightwing, who is incommunicado in Gotham for the time being, Superman, who has been too busy for anything but life-saving lately, and the Batman, who, if he is more than a myth, is most likely stuck in Gotham as well.
Pariah also made mention of a heroine named Dawnstar, about whom nothing is known, and of Supergirl. This last claim is troubling, as her press agent, Cutter Sharp, confirms that she did not exist back then. From his description, it's possible that he has misidentified Power Girl, who at the time mistakenly considered herself to be Superman's cousin, but she denies any knowledge of the incident, acknowledging that her memories of the Crisis are somewhat fuzzy as well.
In any case, the ending of the story is bittersweet. While, according to Pariah, millions were saved from the dying world and transported to our world thanks to the Flash (although there are no documents or statistics which support the idea that millions of people with no previous history on our planet have suddenly taken up residence here), that world, like all others Pariah encountered until the Crisis arrived on our world, was destroyed.
When asked about this omission from her otherwise comprehensive Flash biography, the reclusive Iris West released the following statement through her publisher: "While I had no knowledge of this adventure until now, it certainly sounds like the Barry Allen I knew and loved. It warms my heart to know that there are millions more people who owe him their lives than those whom I already know about. Future editions of my book will include this story in a supplement.
The publishers of the Crisis book could not be reached for comment.
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Two Radio Voiceover Actors found Dead
Former JLA member to take on case
Minneapolis, MN - The mysterious murder of two radio commercial performers has attracted the interest of one of the world's foremost detectives.
Ralph Dibny, the world-famous Elongated Man, was in town to celebrate the engagement of Michael Hutchison, one of his best friends and the manager of his Internet site (see related story). He has since taken on the task of solving the odd double murder of the two men who play "P. C. Modem" and "Bob the Computer Genius" on radio commercials for the computer chain store CompUSA.
Forensic analysis of their injuries indicate that the two were hung by a noose, but no object that could be used as a noose was found in the room, which was locked completely from the inside. This is complicated by the fact that the room in which they were found is used for recording radio commercials, and is completely airtight, with only a ventilation system linking it to the outside world.
"The Justice League has assured us that Mr. Dibny will handle this case to the best of his abilities, and we are delighted to hand it over to him completely, as he has requested," said the Minneapolis chief of police.
Dibny himself has said that he has not yet found any clues, and that has no leads or suspects yet either. "Don't worry, though," he said, "I assure you I won't overlook anything, and I'll be able to conduct a full investigation as long as no one else is interfering."
When questioned about his friend's engagement, the true reason for his presence in the Twin Cities area, he said, "I came to congratulate Michael and Melinda and to deliver their engagement gift, which must remain a secret between the three of us. All I can say is that it's something Michael's been wanting for months."
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Harried FANZING Editor, Distinguished Nurse to Wed

FANZING Editor-In-Chief Michael Hutchison and Melinda Sue Alme are engaged, according to reliable sources in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. Nuptials are planned for a yet-to-be-determined date in May or June 1998. The ceremony will be held in the chapel of the Justice League of America Headquarters Satellite, with the Reverend Norman McCay officiating.
The future bridegroom, in addition to editing the award-winning independent online fan publication, is a web page designer at Quickpages. The bride-elect is a psychiatric nurse, employed by the Mayo Clinic in the field of alcohol and drug rehabilitation.
News of the engagement sent shockwaves throughout the meta-human community, with whom Hutchison has strong ties. From Keystone City, Wally "the Flash" West has joined forces with technical wizard Blue Beetle to lend both expertise and speed to the ailing computer repair service, CompUSA, Inc, to assure the swift and lasting repair of Mr. Hutchison's computer. "He's going to have to update his staff biography real quick after the wedding, and change all that about not being happily married to a vivacious woman," explained the Scarlet Speedster. "We don't want him to have that distraction at the ceremony. Consider it our engagement gift to a most deserving couple." In a similar vein, the newly-formed team of Young Justice has donated the honeymoon vehicle, and is already hard at work decorating it with tin cans and streamers.
Even individuals with no connection to the meta-human community whatsoever are jumping of the bandwagon of good wishes Famed philanthropist Bruce Wayne has offered to pick up the tab for all wedding and honeymoon expenses, if he can figure out a way to wire the money from the governmentally isolated Gotham City.
The JLA has also issued a statement reminding the public that the couples' resemblance to Ralph "Elongated Man" Dibny and his wife, Sue, is entirely coincidental and that super-villains have little to gain by disrupting the wedding.
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All characters are DC Comics
This column is © 1999 by Chaim Mattis Keller
with Louise Freeman Davis and Bruce Bachand.
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