End of Summer
 

Weekend At Hal's

An Out of Continuity,Wacky Excursion into Elseworlds Comedy

words and art by Jon Karl Franklin Haynes

PAGE ONE (three panels)

Crab-Faced Guy Panel One: A bird's eye view of a lovely beach house, with a small doghouse in the backyard. The house is at a three-quarter angle to the reader.
GUY GARDNER (from inside the house, unseen): Kyle! Come here! Quick, man!

Panel Two: The same view, but closer and at more of a front angle to the house. The dog house in the back is no longer visible.
KYLE RAYNER (unseen as well, inside the house): What IS it, Guy? Whats WRONG?
GUY GARDNER (unseen as in last panel): It's Hal! You better come take a look at this!

Panel Three: Interior of the living room of the house. A front view of a large sofa. Hal Jordan, in full costume, is sitting on the sofa, limp and awkward looking. It is obvious that he is dead, although there is no sign of decay. To the left of Hal is GUY GARDNER, in his Green Lantern costume. KYLE RAYNER in his Green Lantern costume stands to the right. A small scuff mark might be noticable on the toe of Hal's right foot. Kyle and Guy both look worried, although the facial expression on GUY GARDNER might not completely conceal a tiny bit of happiness.
GUY GARDNER: He looks pretty bad, Kyle. I think he's DEAD!
KYLE RAYNER: NO WAY! Hal CAN'T be dead. He was supposed to REJOIN the JUSTICE LEAGUE today, and he had a date with CAROL FERRIS tonight! Aw, MAN! What can we DO?!
GUY GARDNER (thought): Hmmm. I guess this means that I AM the one true Green Lantern, if I can get rid of Kyle. Hmmmm.
KYLE RAYNER: Man, if the JUSTICE LEAGUE finds out Hal is DEAD, they might try and put the blame on US! We need to throw them off a bit!


PAGE TWO (five panels)

Panel One: A frontal view of Kyle, holding his arms out inquisitively.
KYLE RAYNER: How did Hal DIE, anyway? Did he SACRIFICE himself to save the SOLAR SYSTEM or something?

Panel Two: A frontal view of Guy, arms folded and in deep thought.
GUY GARDNER: Nah, he tripped over something G'NORT left in the back yard.
KYLE RAYNER (OP): Man, what a LAME way to go.

Panel Three: Kyle and Guy, talking to each other. Hal can be seen in the background with his head hanging off the arm of the couch.
KYLE RAYNER: Anyway, to honor Hal's memory, we need to do something. I have a PLAN.
GUY GARDNER: A Plan? What might that be?
GUY GARDNER (thought): THIS oughtta be GOOD.

Panel Four: Kyle is talking alot, and using his hands to do it. He should be seen as a spastically excited person in this panel.
KYLE RAYNER: Okay. We can use our POWER RINGS to make it seem that HAL is ALIVE and WELL. Then, the FIRST big fight we get into, we'll make it appear that Hal died saving everyone else! Cool?

Panel Five: Guy with his arms folded again, in deep and evil thought.
GUY GARDNER (thought): Hmmm. If I could pull THAT off, that would show those punks on OA just how good of a Lantern I AM! I just hope that SLACKER Kyle doesn't screw up.
GUY GARDNER: Great plan, Kyle! Lets do it!
KYLE RAYNER (OP): Thanks, Guy!


PAGE THREE (Five panels)

Panel One: A spectacular View of the JLA Watchtower on the Surface of the moon. The Earth can be seen in the distance.
CAPTION: Later that afternoon, at the Lunar Headquarters of the JUSTICE LEAGUE of AMERICA…

Panel Two: Interior of the Watchtower. This panel should be larger than the rest on the page. KYLE RAYNER stands near a door, looking over the rest of the JLA who are sitting at the round table. Only SUPERMAN and Martian Manhunter are visible, and have their backs to the reader. Kyle has his arm extended toward a door, with an open hand of greeting as if presenting something or someone.
CAPTION: …KYLE RAYNER, the NEWEST GREEN LANTERN, calls his friends together for a STARTLING announcement.
KYLE RAYNER (thought): Man, I could've SWORN that I just heard a disembodied voice that sounded like Ted Baxter from the old Mary Tyler Moore show. Creepy.
KYLE RAYNER: Hello, fellow members of the JLA! I realize we're a bit out of continuity, but please allow me to PRESENT…

Panel Three: GUY GARDNER and Hal Jordan come through the door Kyle is pointing at. Guy is obviously having difficulty using his power ring to make Hal walk. This panel should look extremely hilarious.
KYLE RAYNER (OP): …HAL JORDAN! Hal has come to REJOIN the JLA!

Panel Four: Front view of SUPERMAN, Martian Manhunter, BATMAN, The Flash, and Aquaman, all looking sternly toward the reader. No one says a word.

Panel Five: Front view of GUY GARDNER and Hal. Guy has a nervous look on his face and is trying to use his Power Ring to make Hal's arm move like he is waving. Guy also has a weird look on his mouth, as this is the first time he has attempted ventriliquism.
GUY GARDNER (thought): CRAP! They AREN'T buying it! I better try some VENTRILIQUISM, and FAST!
GUY GARDNER (voice passing behind Hal's Head): Hi Guys! Its me, HAL!


PAGE FOUR (five panels)

Panel One: SUPERMAN shakes Hal's hand, which is rather limp. Guy is struggling to keep Hal looking normal by use of his Power Ring.
SUPERMAN: Nice to SEE you again, Hal. Are you OKAY? Your GRIP seems weaker than usual.

Panel Two: Hal's head slips and falls into SUPERMAN's Chest.
SUPERMAN: Hal?

Panel Three: Kyle jumps in between Hal and SUPERMAN. Guy is lifting Hals head back up with his ring and doing ventriliquism behind it.
KYLE RAYNER: He's okay, SUPERMAN. He's just a LITTLE TIRED from saving the UNIVERSE all the time.
GUY GARDNER (doing ventriliquism): That's RIGHT, fellow Leaguers!

Panel Four: BATMAN is still sitting at the table. His hand is on his chin as though he is pondering something.
BATMAN (thought): Hmmm. Something seems a bit ODD about this. I'd better slip into the shadows and watch a little closer.

Panel five: The Flash steps forward, extending his hand to Hal. Guy is also in this panel, still having trouble with the act of making Hal look fluidly mobile. In the background, BATMAN can be seen sneaking off into the shadows near a giant glass map of the world.
FLASH: How are you, Hal? Long time no see! Welcome back to the team!
BATMAN(thought): Thats right, Wally. Distract him for me!


PAGE FIVE (five panels)

Panel One: Martian Manhunter stands and talks to Hal. The other JLA members should be seen in the background of this panel, standing around and looking bored.
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Welcome back to the team, Hal Jordan. We haven't talked with you since the original Green Arrow died. Any thoughts on the passing of Oliver Queen?

Panel Two: Guy is trying to make Hal talk, and is doing a lame job of keeping his mouth shut during the ventriliquism.
GUY GARDNER (thought): Crap! Why don't you ask a few MORE questions, Lima Bean Head! SHEESH!
GUY GARDNER (ventriliquism): Well, my GOOD FRIEND died. It SUCKS, but it happens. Let go fight EVIL and stuff.

Panel Three: Kyle holds up his finger as though an idea just hit him. He has a nervous smile on his face. Aquaman can now be seen standing near Kyle.
KYLE RAYNER (thought): I need to do something FAST! Guy is SCREWING UP left and right!
KYLE RAYNER: I have an Idea! Lets go find DARKSEID and kick his BUTT! Hal told me earlier that he was ITCHING to fight someone OPPRESSIVE!

Panel Four: GUY GARDNER sneezes, releasing his Power Ring hold on Hal. Hal begins to fall forward.
GUY GARDNER: AAAA_CHHOOOO!
GUY GARDNER (thought): Damn CHESTCOLD! Why do they have to keep it so COLD in here anyway?! WONDER WOMAN isn't even on the team right now!

Panel Five: Hal falls against Aquaman, impaling himself on Aquaman's harpoon hand.
KYLE RAYNER (OP): Oh No! HAL!
AQUAMAN: HEY! Watch it, Hal!
SFX: CHUK!


PAGE SIX (Five Panels)

Panel One: Aquaman is in shock as he looks upon Hal's lifeless body. His harpoon hand is impaled in Hal's chest, but is not sticking out the other side. GUY GARDNER is pointing at Aquaman, accusing him of killing Hal.
AQUAMAN: By Poseidon's slippery trident! I've KILLED Hal!
GUY GARDNER: Aquaman! You KILLED Hal, you JERK!

Panel Two: BATMAN crashes through the glass map of the world, in his classic fear-invoking pose. SUPERMAN has his back to the reader, pointing at BATMAN.
SFX: CRASH
SUPERMAN: It's the BATMAN!

Panel Three: BATMAN stands in the midst of the JLA, looking at Aquaman and Hal, who are to his right, from the readers perspective. BATMAN looks calm and collected, while at the same time Aquaman is in a state of angered confusion and is pointing at his harpoon hand and Hal, still hanging off it.
FLASH (thought): We go through MORE WINDOWS that way. JEEZ, he could've just WALKED in.
BATMAN: I know who Hal's Killer is, and it is NOT Aquaman.
AQUAMAN: No, it IS me, BATMAN. I killed Hal. Look, my HARPOON is still in his CHEST!

Panel Four: Only BATMAN is in this Panel, and it is from a downward perspective so that the reader looks up at him. He is looking ominous at pointing toward the reader. He looks a bit angry.
BATMAN: WRONG, King of the SEAS! You may be able to communicate with FISH, but where I come from, FISH aren't the WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVES! I, however, AM!

Panel Five: Kyle, Guy, and The Flash are all looking surprised, although Flash has his hand on his chin as if in thought.
KYLE RAYNER: Who did it, then?
GUY GARDNER: Yeah, who did it, Bat-brains?
FLASH: Was it SINESTRO? Aquaman's hook IS YELLOW!
BATMAN (OP): It wasn't Sinestro. It was…


PAGE SEVEN (Five Panels)

Panel one: BATMAN is pointing at G'nort, who is standing in the midst of all the glass from the world map that BATMAN just trashed.
BATMAN: … G'NORT!

Panel two: SUPERMAN, Flash, Kyle, Aquaman, Guy, Martian Manhunter all looking at the reader surprised. Aquaman is lowering Hal's body to the floor.
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: G'NORT?!
FLASH: Huh?!

Panel Three: Hal is now on the floor. BATMAN is holding his leg by the ankle, and that is all of Hal that the reader is able to see. BATMAN is pointing to the stain on his toe.
BATMAN: Correct. My FIRST clue was the stain on Hal's boot. Hal had always complained about tripping over things G'nort left in the yard, so while you were talking I snuck under the table and took a sample of the stain.

Panel four: This panel should be completely identical to the previous panel, with the exception of Hal. BATMAN's hand is now open, and Hal's leg has dropped to the floor.
BATMAN: The JLA computer matched the stain particles to a specific BONE MARROW from a cat-like creature that is only found in the SECTOR of space that G'Nort protects. Hal tripped over G'norts bone.
SFX: WHUMP
Panel Five: GUY GARDNER is mad and rushing toward the reader, in almost the exact pose from the Justice League issue (#5) where he attacked BATMAN.
GUY GARDNER: G'nort DID IT! Lets GET that FREAK!


PAGE EIGHT (Seven Panels)

Panel One: The entire panel is black, filled only with sound effects.
SFX: WHAM! POW! ZAP! BOOM! ZING!

Panel Two: The entire JLA is laying on the ground, pounded to near unconsciousness by the might of G'Nort. The Flash is rubbing his head. G'nort is gone.
FLASH: Man, that is ONE TOUGH DOG!

Panel Three: BATMAN is pointing at GUY GARDNER, obviously angered.
BATMAN: Thanks ALOT for JUMPING the gun, GUY. I wasn't finished.
GUY GARDNER: What are you talking about?

Panel four: A panel of BATMAN in a classic Neal Adams pose, one of the poses that he is often in when giving a speech. His hand is up toward his face looking almost like he is getting ready to slap someone.
BATMAN: I'm talking about you and Kyle! You KNEW Hal was already dead, and were making a mockery of HIS LIFE by turning him into some kind of PUPPET! You probably had a good reason, but that STILL doesn't let you off the HOOK!

Panel Five: BATMAN is still in nearly the exact same pose as last panel in this extreme close up.
BATMAN: By allowing G'nort to run around UNCHECKED, you inadverdantly caused Hal to trip over that bone and DIE. I want you and Kyle to think about that in the future. This should be a good lesson.

Panel Six: SUPERMAN in a waist up shot, looking directly at the readers. His hands are at his sides in the classic pose.
SUPERMAN: And let this be a lesson to you READERS as well. Any FRIEND can cause a potential DEATHTRAP …

Panel Seven: An extreme close up of SUPERMAN looking at the reader, with his index finger held near his face. He has a smile on his face, as though he is giving out useful information to a group of small children or something.
SUPERMAN: … Even a SUPER friend.

THE END
 
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This piece is © 1997 by Jon Karl Franklin Haynes.
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